Box Office Emergency: No One Went to JLo’s “Kiss of the Spider Woman”

Look, how could this happen?

Jennifer Lopez is an international star. Bill Condon is a much awarded director fine films.

“Kiss of the Spider Woman” is a remake of a movie with name recognition. Critics reviews are at 77%, not terrible.

And yet, the movie made just one million dollars this weekend. One million dollars. It’s not possible. Call the police. Call in the FBI.

But this company, Roadhouse Attractions, mishandled this film so badly that it had no public awareness. It might as well have not existed. Whatever it cost– $50 million? — is now a total write off.

This is a spectacular failure. It’s worse than the recent “Spinal Tap 2.”

What a disaster. Why did Roadhouse — which I call Roadkill — even bother to release this movie? They did not promotion. I’ve never received even a press release or email about it. The NY premiere was a hasty, stealth deal that became all about Ben Affleck’s appearance at his ex-wife’s side. No effort was made to connect the movie to the Broadway musical it’s based on, or the previous movie.

“Kiss of the Spider Woman” features other actors besides Lopez. Diego Luna is the star of the wildly popular “Andor” on TV. An actor unknown to us, named Tonatiuh, had been getting a lot of buzz from the few people who saw the film in advance. Nothing was done to promote them.

It’s time for a full scale Congressional investigation into the non-release of movies.

I’ll tell you a story about Roadkill Attractions. Among the movies they’ve thrown under the bus over the years was Robert Redford in a one-hander called “All is Lost” in 2013. It should have been a huge moment for Redford, he was that good, he deserved an Oscar nomination. Roadkill snuffed it. Ditto the Brian Wilson movie, “Love and Mercy,” which never had a chance.

I know we all think Jennifer Lopez is overexposed. But she’s a hard worker, and has plenty of talents. She deserved better than this, so did Condon.

Unbelievable.